w/c 17/01/09

Salmon dipped in licorice.
Scrambled egg with Earl Grey essence.
Lancashire hot pot with lambs tongue and oyster.
This isn't food.
This is Heston Blumenthal's 'what planet must he be from?' food.

In Big Chef Takes On Little Chef (Ch4, Monday, 9pm), we saw the wacky 3 starred Michelin chef Heston Blumenthal, try to step in and save on of Britian's oldest eateries - Little Chef.
The company has been in dire straits, but new chief Ian Peglar wants Heston to invent a 'taste explosion' to entice new customers and titillate the old. Heston visits one outlet to sample dishes such as 'The Olympic' breakfast and the 'Mega Mix Grill', only to find the chicken 'dreadful' and the scrambled eggs straight out of the microwave. "Forget the glossy veneer," he says, "and let's get back to basics." A glossy veneer in Little Chef? Surely that can only be found on the skin of its custard.
Heston finds himself working in Little Chef kitchen only to find there are no pans or even a stove. He is reduced to just cooking on a griddle. "Don't forget to grease your ring." says his Little Chef co-worker.
Quite.
Later, Heston finally comes up with a new menu for the board of executives to sample: Scrambled eggs and salmon with essence of Earl Grey tea, Lancashire hot pot with lambs tongue, sweetbread and oyster, ham cooked in hay, followed by Chocolate ice-cream with mandarin aroma that is served as dry ice. The verdict? CEO Ian wants something that's more unusual. Unusual? If this Heston's grub isn't unusual, then I'm Marie Antoinette. What does he want that's unusual? Crushed glass en croute? Intestines on toast? Puma poo pavlova?
The next two installments, and, no doubt, riveting conclusions follow on Tuesday and Wednesday. Personally, I have some grass to watch growing. But don't tell Heston. He'll end up serving it as a starter.

Big Brother's surprise eviction show started with footage from the house. The voice-over, to a still picture of the bog door, said: "Verne is in the toilet." Verne, for those who don't know, is not even 3 feet high.
Why did no-one panic?
HE'S IN THE TOILET!!!
Emergency!
He'll never get out of the bowl!!!!!!!