Week commencing January 10th 2009

Is it me, or has Dancing On Ice (ITV 1, Sunday 7pm) turned into Stars In Their Eyes or rather Stars On Their Ice?

You've got Mr Nasty judge Jason Gardener as Freddie Mercury, Ruthie Henshaw as a cross between Nigella Lawson and Michelle (Kim Ryder) from Corrie and Robin Coussins as Daniel O' Donnell.
And it doesn't stop there.
Christopher Dean's a dead ringer for hairdresser Nicky Clarke and Holly Willerby isn't that far removed from Dolly Parton.
If you get my drift.
First up was Jeremy Edwards who went in looking like Rambo and came out looking like Julian Clary. He had that much make up on, it was hard to tell if he was the man or the woman. Do tone down the kohl liner love - just stick with the blush.
Next was undercover reporter Donal McIntyre. Good job he's taken up skating now as he can't be an undercover reporter anymore. We all know who he is.
Good old Tucker Jenkins gave a valiant attempt as a Weeble (they wobble but they don't fall down - yet) although Judge Freddie, er, Jason said "You move as if you've crapped yourself."
There's nothing like constructive criticism; but I wonder if he had...
And how many reality TV shows will Ray Quinn enter? For the love of god man, will you just get a career?

It's all fun and games in the Big Brother house (Channel 4, 9pm), but have you ever seen so many tattoos on one woman? Mutya has drawings on her legs, arms, shoulders and even neck. In fact, she doesn't keep a shopping list anymore, she just tattoos whatever she's run out of on the back of her hand.
Elsewhere, Tina bites her own toenails, Lucy has the most annoying monotone voiiiiiiiccceeeee, Coolio, whose hair resembles a wasp's antenae, just won't damn shut up and Ulrikakaka is going gagaga. Who shall we vote out and forget about forever? You decieeeeede...